Stability
There are more then 2 months since I returned home. At the moment I planned this period it looked to be so long. I was somehow wondering what I will do and how I will fill- in the time.
Meantime, I fixed my heath issues, went for the best holidays that I could hope for to Turkey, and then Belgium and Hungary, spend amazing time with my family and friends, went for a wedding and many other things. I remember when I was in the office thinking how my work is the only thing that deserves my attention. And whenever someone will recommend a bit of break, I would always find the pathetic reply of: I don't have time. It was like a disease that you don't have cure for. But, the cure was found and I can be grateful for having the privilege of taking the last two months off.
Since then I have asked myself questions that I could not face them until now. I found some answers to some old points and even more questions that will take longer time to solve. But I don't want so many answers now. They are putting too many boxes and are limiting too much my own existence.
Before I left to Belgium I had the opinion that there is nothing stable in my life and that was a problem. Now, I'm trying to see if I made the mistake to see stability too limited. I looked at jobs, relationships, family, friendships, house, money. There were all the things that Romanian society said they matter in life. And by owning them you reach happiness. They were my "external pressure".
When I was in Budapest it hit me that maybe things are not meant to be stable for me. Dictionary describes Stability as continuance without change; permanence and I never wanted such things. I guess that I always knew that all the aspects of my life are meant to be dynamic. And although it can be comfortable to live the typical "happiness" I will try to find my own definition for it. It has to be much simpler then this.
Meantime I will make a conscious effort of not taking things for granted like family, friends, experiences. This way they will be part of my present more then my past.
Meantime, I fixed my heath issues, went for the best holidays that I could hope for to Turkey, and then Belgium and Hungary, spend amazing time with my family and friends, went for a wedding and many other things. I remember when I was in the office thinking how my work is the only thing that deserves my attention. And whenever someone will recommend a bit of break, I would always find the pathetic reply of: I don't have time. It was like a disease that you don't have cure for. But, the cure was found and I can be grateful for having the privilege of taking the last two months off.
Since then I have asked myself questions that I could not face them until now. I found some answers to some old points and even more questions that will take longer time to solve. But I don't want so many answers now. They are putting too many boxes and are limiting too much my own existence.
Before I left to Belgium I had the opinion that there is nothing stable in my life and that was a problem. Now, I'm trying to see if I made the mistake to see stability too limited. I looked at jobs, relationships, family, friendships, house, money. There were all the things that Romanian society said they matter in life. And by owning them you reach happiness. They were my "external pressure".
When I was in Budapest it hit me that maybe things are not meant to be stable for me. Dictionary describes Stability as continuance without change; permanence and I never wanted such things. I guess that I always knew that all the aspects of my life are meant to be dynamic. And although it can be comfortable to live the typical "happiness" I will try to find my own definition for it. It has to be much simpler then this.
Meantime I will make a conscious effort of not taking things for granted like family, friends, experiences. This way they will be part of my present more then my past.
2 Comments:
Coco has a blooooog :) woot look forward to reading more :) hugs from Zürich!!
Hello Coco!!! :) It's great to finally hear from you :) I hope you'll keep posting ;)
Hugs and Kisses,
SebishOR
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