A mere existence

The Christmas Tree

noreply@blogger.com (Cornelia) — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 15:01:00 +0000

The Christmas Holiday was inaugurated in Bucharest with the biggest tree in Europe that is 76 m height. This gesture can be called in at least 2 ways: a good marketing approach from Millennium Bank which entered the Romanian market recently and a nice gift offered to this city.

On December 1st in the evening, there were more then 70,000 people that went to see the tree. This is not more then the largest crowd that this country has see in the recent history. There were more people then even at the Revolution in '89.

The gesture created quite a debate among different categories that argued that the money could have been used for many other purposes for underprivileged categories or that this is just pure cheap marketing. We can argue that Christmas itself it's a commercial holiday, that the lights are not environmental friendly and so on. But beyond all, after more then 4 months since I'm in Bucharest, I can openly say that this is the first time when I see Bucharest people SMILING.

So I choose to be considered naive and keep this priceless gift.

I’m an Alumnus

noreply@blogger.com (Cornelia) — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 16:24:00 +0000

Starting with 23rd of November 2007 I am an official AIESEC alumnus.

In a small ceremony organized by AIESEC Bucuresti I was offered a diploma that has a huge symbolic value to me. After exactly 6 years I finished my AIESEC experience with high hopes to be more and contribute more. For the past 6 years, my life was strongly related to AIESEC: member in AIESEC Bucuresti, Regional Coach and MC member for AIESEC Romania, MC Member for AIESEC Norway and part of AIESEC International. I’m grateful for all the moments of joy and sadness, for all people that influenced my life until now, for all the friendships that are enriching my life every day, for all the deep conversations that reshaped my perspective on world and the list can continue.

These years were so intense that after this continuous running game I felt the need to stay still and get some answers. The months that I took off after the AI term brought several truths about what I need and want. As a results I chose not to continue my AIESEC XP with an internship but instead accept a permanent contract abroad. There are maybe not so many differences between the job roles that I could have but for sure lots of differences in regards of the life style and the way I want to live my life. For the last 2 years I’ve been a typical expat that barely speaks the language of that country, has a limited interest in contributing to the local community and is immersing into his/her job.

Now I want a different perspectives. I want to have the option to stay to a place more then a year, I want to understand what people say on the street and I want to get involved in the local community. I’m exploring different ideas from human rights NGOs to volunteer work at the embassy and consulate to involvement with some social enterprises. I haven’t decided but I know that something additional to my job is required. Cause otherwise, what is the difference between me and any other career focused person at my age? I don’t find sufficient 8-10 hours at work being enough to make a true contribution. At least not after 6 years of believing that we can change the way things are.

But then again, everyone has to find his/her own balance. I know that mine has to be beyond my job.

Tai Yin as a form of expression

noreply@blogger.com (Cornelia) — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 21:46:00 +0000

One of the nicest things that happened to me since I arrived to Bucharest was a 3 days introduction course into Tai Yin. This is partially coming from an aspect of traditional Chinese medicine called Qigong that is involving the coordination of different breathing patterns with various physical postures and motions of the body.

The Tai Yin type that is practiced here was brought from Wudang Temple, Hubei province in China and it is addressed only to women. There is a belief that there are 3 women typologies: the "precious woman" often met into the most Asian countries, the "white woman" that is typical for South Asia and Arab countries and the "mysterious woman" that is found in the African countries. Each of us can identify one of these typologies as a dominant with it's own characteristics. The ultimate purpose is to become the "complete" woman which takes all the qualities from that typologies that are not dominant and allows you to correct some of the short falls that are associated with your dominant. The practiced is performed while listening to 3 types of music associated to each of the typology: Chinese (for 1), Arab/Indian (2) or tribal African music (3).

And everything for spiritual cultivation and mental and physical health...

I'm surprised every time by the power that these practice has on me. At the end of each practice I feel that I need to challenge more the type of woman that I become as a result of all the societal norms and rules. I get more and more comfortable in expressing my emotions as they trully are.

Talents

noreply@blogger.com (Cornelia) — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 11:14:00 +0000

Two days ago I went for a jazz concert to the place that is for sure my favorite bar in Bucharest: Green Hours. A cozy and smoky place that is my escape from time to time. At the moment the music started I got instantly mute. There was one of the musicians that start introducing the band, a bit shy and nervous. But five seconds later all this shines vanished when he start touching the double bass. It was like the notes could touch your soul. So genuine that I could not react in any way.

I remembered that when they took their break, felt a mix of feelings like sadness, joy and even jealousy for only couple of seconds. And that's because he is successful on a topic that I failed until now. He found his unique way to express himself and I didn't. He was so absorbed by the momentum and his creation at that moment. I guess this is one of the reasons for which I'm always fascinated by artists of any kind. They look to have found the way to tackle one sense (sight, hearing, touching, tasting, smelling) and use all the others just to give even more strength in such harmonious way.

I tried some of their ways but I end up hating all the things: the songs that I sang, the paintings that I painted, the dances that I danced, the photos that I took. Somehow I still have the hope that through continuous exploration I will find my way.

So, meantime I'm enjoying the beauty created by others for searchers like me.

PS; you can see my favourite sketch

Rejuvenation through art

noreply@blogger.com (Cornelia) — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 21:02:00 +0000

How to be still without being surrounded by stillness?

I found my answer while going to theatre. The place that is fascinating enough to stop me from thinking but still being lively. The play was following a simple plot, having as central characters a dysfunctional Jewish couple. It was a play about hopes, jealousy, love, addiction, assumptions and societal norms. I blend with the story and drama and end up highly fascinated. Maybe because of the actors or the fact that I was sitting on the stage or maybe because of the intimate atmosphere. But it’s irrelevant when I compare with what I felt then and now. It’s a great escape from the noise in my head!

And not the only one… as I found a second choice that has the same effect on me: a jazz concert. I got the chance to hear an amazing voice, Luiza Zan, in a live concert that inspired me. Her message was so simple and humble that took me by surprise. No stupid glamour, just talent!

It remind me of the lyrics from a song that is obsessing me: Music Matters (Faithless).

For all those who stood up and were counted

For all those for whom money was no motive

For all those for whom music was a message

I want to thank you

For making me

A little more sure

A little more wise

And courageous

You told me to look much further

You told me to walk much more

You told me that music matters

PS: Thank Mo for sharing with me these experiences!

Stability

noreply@blogger.com (Cornelia) — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 11:48:00 +0000

There are more then 2 months since I returned home. At the moment I planned this period it looked to be so long. I was somehow wondering what I will do and how I will fill- in the time.

Meantime, I fixed my heath issues, went for the best holidays that I could hope for to Turkey, and then Belgium and Hungary, spend amazing time with my family and friends, went for a wedding and many other things. I remember when I was in the office thinking how my work is the only thing that deserves my attention. And whenever someone will recommend a bit of break, I would always find the pathetic reply of: I don't have time. It was like a disease that you don't have cure for. But, the cure was found and I can be grateful for having the privilege of taking the last two months off.

Since then I have asked myself questions that I could not face them until now. I found some answers to some old points and even more questions that will take longer time to solve. But I don't want so many answers now. They are putting too many boxes and are limiting too much my own existence.

Before I left to Belgium I had the opinion that there is nothing stable in my life and that was a problem. Now, I'm trying to see if I made the mistake to see stability too limited. I looked at jobs, relationships, family, friendships, house, money. There were all the things that Romanian society said they matter in life. And by owning them you reach happiness. They were my "external pressure".

When I was in Budapest it hit me that maybe things are not meant to be stable for me. Dictionary describes Stability as continuance without change; permanence and I never wanted such things. I guess that I always knew that all the aspects of my life are meant to be dynamic. And although it can be comfortable to live the typical "happiness" I will try to find my own definition for it. It has to be much simpler then this.

Meantime I will make a conscious effort of not taking things for granted like family, friends, experiences. This way they will be part of my present more then my past.